It all started in the evening going to have tea with Anup walking beside and casually telling me "kya dude, bahut fat ban rahe ho". Now, had it been say a month back I would have just replied back with a "Chal na yaar..". This wasn't so. It's been only a week since I heard the same comment from none less than Kishor, the guy whom I interact with at least three times a day. I had just laughed it off and made up silly excuse like "Naa..its because of the shirt man". Just to reassure myself I had secretly confided it to Joe and sought a second but firm opinion. He shook his head, smiled a little and said "No dude. Frankly I don't see much change. You are just like before. In fact I don't think you are fat at all, you are just perfect".
Okay, the last sentence I made up. But the point is he totally convinced me and rested my fears of not validating my weight on measuring scale. I also left it at that, until now. Anup told the exact same thing today and Deja Vu. It stuck on me and in full ferociousness I made up my mind to find the truth. It was the most painful thing ever to witness. I am both glad, sad and mad about myself for succumbing to such a gallantly stupid act of seeing the weight.
Oh God! What have I done. Is this what they called 'End Of the Days'? Is the sky really falling on my head? Is 2012 a reality? Am I destined to die Obese? So many thoughts are clinging on my mind. Having been with two roomies who adored daru and dum like their second skin, who gave a rat's ass about their being fat, the determination to limit food or contain health was yanked out of my feet leading to acts of obsessive eating disorder. This is without doubt one of the worst days of my life. Period.
Compounding the problem is my pea sized brain thoughts like "As I am going to Paris, As I am not going to get anything to eat, As I am not going to eat Biryani, Chicken Noodles, Rice, Sambar, As I am not going to have burgers as and when I wish" etc. I have binged non-stop the last week and a half starting from Rajhmundry Biryani, Chicken Curries with full plate rice, Vada, Masala Dosa glistening with Oil, Curd with Sugar - all these and much more are happily settled at both sides of my bulged tummy.
A small confession -
I knew I was 86 much before this day when I had checked my weight at Nikhil's place on December the 10th - Sindu's Wedding day! That's like 17 days ago. Thanks to the morons Hari and Nikhil, who both agreed and reassured me with false statements yet again after checking their individual weights that the machine indeed was showing 2Kg's more. I was actually content being 84, you see.
I vow now to stop eating rice, oily foods and anything that got to do with fat inducing crap. And to Nikhil - "Dude, I definitely am going to keep track of number of days starting this vrath/fast". Watch out!
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