Sunday, September 02, 2007

Devilish Temptation...Aftermath of Appraisals...

Remember how adam was tempted by the serpent...
Remember how entire 'omkara' started by that casual remark from Saif's fellow teetoller...
Remember how the rift between Madhavan and Shalini started aggrevating because of small misunderstanding from Shalini (Sakhi/Saathiyan..)...
Remember how "Company" started collapsing because of small misunderstanding by Manisha Koirala...


In all these if you notice the consequences were terrible and we had one great story to look forward to. It's a small bug in our brain that HE himself has implanted in us. It happens that sometimes when we are absolutely 100% sure with something and satisfied to say the least, someone comes along and implants a small "thought" which negates our feeling. At first it just passes over our head. Then it starts prick you lightly, gently almost unnoticed. Unkowingly you start putting some more "thought" into it. A few more hours if you seem to be there by the person who originally put it, it starts growing on you and then finally before you know it your feelings are all bungled up. To sum it all up...


First there are rules.
Then there is an exception.
Then the exception becomes the rule.
-Radio , "City of God"
After seeing our ratings I wasn't p****d off that I ain't got a "S" rating. I was happy I wasn't given anything below "A". In fact there wasn't any complaint from the "team" (Missus Ponnan, Ranjit..) as such. But by the end of the day and the day that followed we were alll told again and again it was completely unfair for us being rated "M" and that we deserved an "S". Mind you till then no-one actually suggested we complain about it. It is just that everyone felt we deserved more. I knew this was the usual bantering that happens , hence didn't take much notice on it.

It was the arrival of Bhav that triggered the wrong signals. She was completely ecstasic and also absolutely stunned after coming to know how highly Manu thought of her when his feedback was sought for her appraisal. I mean after going through such rough patch and making quite a "scene" (there was a "scene" by the way...) getting such feedback just spirals you out of the world. The feelings can't be put in words. That's how she was. She was furious to know we got "M" and very strongly suggested that we speak to Sudha and get them reverted. Had she suggested once MAY be it would have been ignored.

But the discussion went on and on for at least another hour about how Prachi got reverted, how the Adarsh got his appraisal up, how hard we slogged on weekends, how we stayed back long aftert nights to accomplish the tasks, how "we" were better than her and surely there must have been a grave mistake in our appraisals , how all the people at Java batch have gotten "S",how ...on and on ..it went...

The damage done...the resolution taken up... not with full conviction though but nontheless after arguing to and fro about how it's not the question of money at hand but the future to look forward to where our appraisal history matters a lot, how we have the right to ask. I gave my nod though but still I am in that "second stage" of the thought tinkering process.

That night I missed the bus at the usual stop and got down at the other end of the NGV complex only to add to the misery. I had full 20 minutes to cover with nothing to distract my mind. IPod wasn't help either as my ears had become sore by then listening to it all day long. So the "thought" started gaining on me. It become much more than a "thought" with my talk to mom and dad. Finally when I told my roommates about it I knew I had to speak with "Sudha" and make her know that she was wrong,,,absolutely wrong,,,how could she,,,damn her.

Tomorrow is going to be very very intersting day..a day where I will know how good I am in sticking on to my own beliefs.,,"I don't care about ratings...as long as I know I have job at hand and my work gives me satisfaction..." only time will tell.....

What did Happen:
Writing this a day later, Haven't spoken with yer yet, haven't given that one last try yet, don't think will matter now...

2 comments:

Raghu said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Raghu said...

Karthik its good that u r satisfied with what u get.... but remember if you dont try for something in this compitative world u wont get it.....